Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
