Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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