Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
