I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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