I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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