sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize