Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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