The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
