Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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