I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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