the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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