Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
