Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
