hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
