She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
