If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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