You smell like a Billy Joel song
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
