My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
