i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
