Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
