i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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