i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
