what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
