things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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