she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
These tits shall not be calmed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
