also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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