Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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