its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
