Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
