the condom got lost in my hair
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
