omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
