This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
