..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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