I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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