I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
