She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
