if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
