I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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