So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Vodka?
Forever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
