this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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