Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
