Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize