The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
