It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
