What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
