If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
