one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
