Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
