I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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