For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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