Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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