the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
