He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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