fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In America we eat man semen.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
