Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
