I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
