...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you just send me my own nude
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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