what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
