it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
