She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize