I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize