I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
