if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
