WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
