my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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