He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
