it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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