stop calling my apartment porn island.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
