your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
