wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
